Okay, okay, it looks a little phallic, holding a phallic looking object.  We made fun of Joe thoroughly… and then we enjoyed the delicious treat anyway.  Plus, to his credit, he was right when he said “It’s a sword!”:

First and foremost, I’d like to the thank the Academy… and God.

(Everyone seems to thank God, no?)

Who else – Loved ones? Co-stars? Financiers?

Yeah, all of them too.

But who does Tuesday night’s Biddy’s Pub Quiz champions, Green and White Army, have to thank?

I’d maybe start with a few of the other teams that came up just short. Going into the handouts, only a few points separated 1st from 6th…

Or maybe I’d thank the bonus points they banked with their ingenious hand-carved turnip Oscar statuette?

Sure, the turnip wasn’t quite as shocking as bringing in your old dildo (see Schadenfreude) but the turnip carving did have a certain special charm to it – a uniqueness – and it was edible, which could help with the post-game snacks…

And, well, turnips are a gift from God… and that just seems fitting.

The Green and White Army

…..Team Sassy Pants takes it again!!! We had a decent crowd tonight and everyone was ready with some awards to present to me.  We had some very creative, talented players tonight.  One Oscar was made from Oscar the Grouch!

So we had a duel Bingo, split between Team Sassy Pants and Beige Food.  Round 2 was Jeopardy…good times, as usual with Jeopardy.

The handouts got turned in and graded and then the top 3 were revealed….Team Sassy Pants, We Put the Sensual in Non-Consensual and Her First Mistake were in the running.  The question was asked and Sassy Pants delivered….taking their 2nd victory in a row!!

Looking forward to next Wednesday!!

Wendy =)

Team Sassy Pants wins!! It was Bob's 40th Birthday!!

At Schmizza Pub and Grub last night the winning team was ‘Distended Rectum’….that will be the last time I mention that name. Gross. As disgusting it may be they knew their movies. They led after the first round with a bingo win, but it wasn’t always their race.

After the first round, team ‘Key Grips’ took the lead and held onto it till the final round. ‘The Untouchables’ apparently had seen every Hepburn movie there was putting up the highest score on the “Audrey or Katherine” handout by a huge margin and catapulting them into second place.

It all came down to Forrest, Forrest Gump. Whenever he plays ping-pong, he always plays with his Flex-O-Lite ping-pong paddle…not that anyone knew that. Even though they were impressive with their film knowledge thus far, team ‘DR’ wasn’t too confident with their knowledge of Mr. Gump. As such they wagered…little, giving them the most points when it was all said and done. Congrats to them and I hope they fix their bums.

What a feeling, bein’s believin’
I can’t have it all, now I’m dancin’ for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life

Yes, indeed, Scooby’s Red Carpet AND Princess Natiri were dancing for thier lives-er-third place winnings last night as I called an official Pub Quiz USA “Dance off” to determine our winner of the righteous cash.  They gave it their all, they gave it their best, and I got some shots to show you just what “dancin’ for my life” looks like via Pub Quiz style.

For more shots of last night’s fun, and LOTS more dancing pictures, visit my FB page, join the gang, and tag away.  You can find me on FB, or follow me on Twitter (where I also link to all the pics) www.twitter.com/QMPolly

The dancing was a fine end to our evening of perfect Quizdom.  The pictures and dancing were  just a small part of the action and the fun from last night’s game.  Team “Wombat” made some Oscar’s up for the rest of our teams, and I awarded them during the game. The best acceptance speech came when Little Nemo stood to quietly take his award with honor and grace, and BAM! We got Kayne’d by another team name demanding freedom and respect in the industry (but she DID let him finish).  That, or just some personal mic time….  Finally, the real crux of the week, this week’s theme had Oscar re-designs from some of the most creative folks in Portland.  Remember, Quizmaster Jpp and I are having a battle to determine the best Oscar redesign of the week, so make sure you cast your vote here, in the blog, to make him buy me a drink.  Just give a nod to the Oscar you like best, by way of the team name, and Quizmaster, in the comments section.

And now, I proudly present, live from the Bridgeport Brewery:

The Bridgeport gallery of Oscar’s

Winning team: Laird Kreger presents:Edible Oscar’s  ^^^^^^                                                          (sort of, but really a choking hazard)

Siren’s of Titan ^                                     Princess Natiri gave me blue balls^

Does Meryl Streep swallow?(dolled up Oscar)    The Quiz locker (Bobble head Oscar)

*update: The Quiz Locker  ^                  I Quiz on your grave (Smthg to crow about)^

Finally, not to be forgotten, LAIRD KREGER took their very first pub quiz victory last night, after fighting off the other 4 contenders for the first place spot, they came up from 5th and swooped in for the win!  Congrats to Laird Kreger and that awesome, well played first time win.

Finally, my personal favorite Oscar of the night, especially due to that awesome inscription, you know, that part that says “NO ARGUMENTS”, a Quizmaster’s favorite two words.  Thanks to the Wombats!

Quizmaster Jpp, you can’t top THIS.  I might just have a t-shirt made for our Quiz against the Quizmaster’s night.  It’d be sad if you say, lost a bet and had wear one….

Alright people. I’ve been running Pub Quizzes for round about a year now, and those of you who play with me know that I don’t go for this kind of pandering for points. “Can I get Bonus Points for getting my friend named Oscar to play the quiz?” NO. “Can I get Bonus Points for batting my eyelashes and asking nicely for them?” NO. “Can I get Bonus Points for threatening to key your car in the parking lot?” NO, NO, NO. So when “Freak Mutha” brought the above Oscar for bonus points asking for 18 POINTS, my answer was a kind and courteous, “Oh HELL no.” (I did give them 3 points though.)

I will make a side note and say that I do periodically throw out Bonus Point opportunities on the fly — maybe a spontaneous dance contest or a contest on QUIZMASTER JPP’S FACEBOOK PAGE. In fact, I DID ask a bonus question on Facebook this week, and only TWO TEAMS answered it (and only one was correct). Now don’t act like you don’t use the Facebook. I see you throwing around sheep all the time on there. So be sure to stop in and see what’s happening at QUIZMASTER JPP’S FACEBOOK PAGE every now and again, or you’re missing out!

Anywho, it was another great night in Vancouver: we quizzed, we laughed, we cried. Also, the pot had rolled over from last week, because the bar team took the top prize in our hair-themed quiz and because they’re good eggs, they refuse to partake in the winnings. (They do own the place, after all.)

So the pot was bigger than ever, and the crowd was nearly as large as it had ever been, too. Five teams made the Final Round, lining up as “They Fucking Rock,” “The Bumping Uglies,” “Burning Betties,” the birthday bunch of “Freak Mutha” and “Business Time” after four rounds. But get THIS: Only one team got the Challenge Round question right, and it was “FREAK MUTHA!” What a great birthday, indeed! Look at ‘em with their loot:

Teams also heeded my call and brought in their Oscars for the EPIC battle for “Best Homemade Oscar” that I’m having with Quizmaster Polly. Check out some of the contenders:

I’ll point out the one in the back left is a Best Actor award for quizzer Adam Smith. It’s a baseball trophy with the player wearing a glittery skirt. Which I can only assume to mean that Adam was in “A League of Their Own.”

Then there was this bad boy brought in by “TFR,” which is meant to be an Avatar Oscar. You can tell from the tail or the hair braid… whatever. Either way it’s about to make sahela with that paper bag next to it. And speaking of sahela, if you’ve seen Avatar and thought it was just moronic, you really need to see this movie making its rounds on the interwebs.

There was also this one from TFR, which I don’t really understand, but I’ll give a shout out to because of the effort put in. Those white dots — those are LIGHTS, my friends. THAT’S a commitment to bonus points!

But my FAVORITE Oscar of the night, the one I’m nominating for my Quizmaster Oscar-Off, was an impromptu one, when Team Shanahan’s Nate donned a extra-small women’s green tanktop, just for the hell of it. I think he looks like Oscar the grouch. And hey, the rules of the contest didn’t say it had to be an Academy Award Oscar. Either way, for stepping up and shimmying into that tiny tube top, I think we all agree that Nate is golden:

In July 1986, Tom Peterson, the Portland retail sales icon, offered a free flattop haircut to anyone who attended the opening of his store at 82nd and Foster. Peterson hired three barbers to give haircuts on the floor of his showrooms. They gave about 50 haircuts the first day, and Peterson decided to make the gimmick a weekly event. He continued offering the haircuts for two decades and as of 2002 was still giving away about ten haircuts per week.

Tom Peterson's (The haircut place)

Though Peterson closed his final store just over a year ago, the tradition of the free Tom Peterson flattop haircut lives on in the hearts and minds (and on the heads?) of the Pub Quizzers at Hal’s Tavern.

Tom Peterson Haircuts (The team)

The Tom Peterson Haircuts had all they could handle with the Hal’s team Thursday, needing every bit of their Gangsta rap expertise to edge out a victory.

Ever gracious, the Hal’s crew even threw in a bit of a bonus for the hard fought victory.

Maybe they could use it as a tip for the next time they have to pay for a trim, now that their namesake has closed his doors…

Trifecta, M’er F’ers!

But seriously, it was a really fun night at Old Chicago’s in Gresham last night.  When Name That Tune round 2 got started, some people who weren’t even playing got interested, and played along just for fun.

In first place came a team calling themselves Boston Lagers:

In second place was “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” followed by a team calling themselves “Jamanders”.

Overall a fun but difficult night – teams were sure they were in last, but it turns out it was neck and neck from start to finish!

Until next week, Gresham!

I’ll give you a hint, it’s not film. It’s not rocks, and yes, it does have something that comes out of the end, if you squeeze it just right.  You be the judge.  The boys on the bar team down at CC Slaughter’s know.  They painted this guy gold for tonight and gave him something to hold onto.  Keep his hands busy, if you will.  Of course, you’ll have to be the panel of judges to decide if this Oscar is better than the one brought in by “Revenge of the Streeps”

This guy was sporting a knife through the head, and a flashlight in his hands.  I’m sure the light is there to help him wade through all the crap-tastic stuff that flows freely at the awards show.  You need something to help guide the way when you’re 4 feet deep in blue cats and Cameron’s latest piece of skull fucking drivel masterful film making.  Right?

So, tonight’s game was good, we had a blast, which is par for the course on Monday, come on down next Monday night, when we will have $25 to roll on to the winners pot. Let’s see if you can take it home with YOU next week.  Also, you never know when a QM or an old Pub Quiz Alumni might show up on Monday night to work on their trivia chops for our Quiz Against the Quizmaster night coming up on March 29th at CC Slaughter’s.  Quizmaster JP will be playing this year, on our WINNING TEAM. (And NO, it’s not Beige Food)  Finally, and most importantly, let’s all remember last year’s lesson:  Just because you are the LOUDEST drinker, does not mean you are the drunkest drinker.  *ahem* Right Jeremy?

What a hairy night we had at the Belmont yesterday, eh comrades? We had questions about former Soviet Russia, eh? We had questions about merkins, eh? And we had a most entertaining handout where I got to kick it, gangsta rap style, eh? Miraculously no one asked who’s down with jpp, because I’ll be honest, I’ve heard that once or twice before.

But if you did like those hot rhymes I dropped, I’d recommend another whiter than take on Snoop Dogg by Mr. Ben Folds:

Those of you who’ve been around the Belmont before might’ve heard me playing this in the past. It’s a great track, and might I add quite heartbreaking when you hear about Snoop’s cousin Daz fuckin’ his ho.

But beyond the music, we had a great, competitive quiz last night. “Beige Food” came out on top, fighting off second place “This Was No Boating Accident!” third place “Can You Smell the Stank?” fourth place “Team YMBP” and fifth place “We’re Going to Win Next Week” (who really insist that next week is *their* week). Look at Beige Food with their bling:

But the “No Mouth Monkeys” are right behind Beige Food, having slipped into second place in the BELMONT STEAK STANDINGS

1 Beige Food 22
2 No Mouth Monkeys 21
3 Team YMBP 14
4 The Wildcatters 14
5 This was no boating accident 13
6 Can You Smell the Stank… ? 12
7 Sirens of titan 5
8 Silver Snakes 5
9 Mildly Disappointing 5
10 We’re Awesome! 4
11 NOT-YMBP 4

Only THREE WEEKS REMAIN in this season! Will we be hearing Beige Food’s tribute song for another three months, or can someone dethrone these trivia masterminds? Talk up some trash on QUIZMASTER JPP’S FACEBOOK PAGE, and see if you can add the intimidation factor to your team’s tools. Until next week, be well, play hard and try to remember everything you can!