Danny is taking over quizzing at Sellwood, she’s a great gal, and lots of fun, please go check her out next week and give her a chance!  She graded all the papers last night ,and by next week she will be running things on her own, so show some support.

Till then, I bid you all farewell-The Fags of the Apocolypse decided they would score my jokes as the night went on, Olympic style.  So, there’s  shot of them holding up my numbers..With these scores aside, I did in fact go out with a standing ovation and one hell of a buzz last night.  Sellwood, and everyone that came out-Thanks for everything!

Thanks Nathan of the Stumbling Drunks for making me my own Quizmaster Polly vinyl decal-to be used at a later date, and these awesome shots of the action!

Congrats to the Asspenny advantage, picture not shown here due to excessive drunkenness on the win.  I can’t remember what the final question was.  But I know this people: It’s not you, it’s me. Remember that, I invented that line.

Our winning team last night, a new team with some folks visiting from out of state: Rings around Uranus.  I did not manage to snap a picture of Rings last night, as they exited before I could grab a shot, so in lieu of that, I give you an internet interpretation of “Rings around Uranus”  Enjoy. Possibly NSFW.

Finally, in the end wash out it was the Unfortunate looking women that claimed victory.

And for the first time ever, the Pork Chop Express took the squirrel. All the way to Vegas. If he comes back with a little Elvis suit, or a drug problem, I pity the team that picks him up next.

Round 1 bingo was a clear-cut win for our house team the Pork Chop express, however as we moved into round two, the clear winners in our Who Am I round was the team “The A$$Penny advantage” they came, they heard the bios and they kicked the collective quizzers asses as they scored possibly the highest recorded score in Pub Quiz history in that round, thus leading them on to a near victorious take-over of our pals, the PCE.  A$$Penny was only 2 points behind the PCE as we moved into the final three, and it was a serious smack-down for the cash.  PCE went in full force betting all but one point, securing a second place win, while the A$$Penny advantage took the first place spot with their larger than life 59 points.

Wtg A$$Penny advantage.  Lastly, I give you this visual proof of the tallest person of the awesome creative trifecta: Tim Burton.  I’m not sure how much taller he is, but his hair certainly adds to the mystery.

Find them, and me on Facebook, where we’re “friendly” and stuff.  (Twitter for the cool kids:www.twitter.com/QMPolly)

From the covered mouth of featured blogger Kirsten of PCE:

Generally speaking, any day where I get to sculpt tiny food products is already a win! I can’t believe I devoted 10 minutes of my life to looking up the ingredients of Sculpey clay to determine that it is, in fact, made of plastic and therefore fully bonus points compliant (get on the email list, people, for serious), because God forbid I make a tiny, anatomically correct Chicago dog for nothing. Yes, a Chicago dog, because no less than 3/5ths of the Pork Chop Express hail from the Windy City, though all 3 of us were ejected from same for the unforgivable blasphemy of taking our hot dogs with just ketchup. Maybe now we’ll get to go back and visit the Old Country…

As the game wound up, the whole room nervously eyed the happy family with 2 young – very young- children sitting dead center. Nobody wanted to be responsible for shattering the innocence of those tiny angels (that’s for the Internet!), so the Bingo Round had to commence before the ceremonial Reading Of The Team Names to save the parents from some uncomfortable family conversations. Because if there’s one thing we Sellwood Public House quizzers stand for, it’s CLASS. And dick jokes.

It seemed like several teams must have been struck with meat blindness, for confusion abounded during Bingo – oh, oh, can we get bonus points for not losing track of the numbers? Steamboat Lacey informed us of Mickey Mouse’s shrouded true beginnings…sort of. Somehow Pork Chopper Patty remembered that the Karate Kid announcer yells “Daniel Russo is gonna fight!”, which was good because our best guess was going to be “Jesus Christ Bananas!”. Pork Chopper Doug knew that Community airs on Thursday nights, while the rest of us cursed our DVRs. Everyone learned a new vocabulary word, “jaccarding”, and a little bit about our Right Benevolent Quiz Master Polly with The Quote of the Night: “I did like the pounding and beating!”.

What no one liked was the nearly unprecedented lack of bingo. One team disliked it more than others, as they would have gotten that damn bingo if not for the World Cup trick question. The official Quiz Master Polly position on these situations is “suck it”, however, so bingo-less we stayed. Truth be told, no one was more shocked by our good showing tonight than us – that Bingo Round kicked our collective ass. In fact, we were literally saved by bonus points! Thank you, bacon tape! Email list. Do it.

F*&K “Who Am I?”; f*&k it right in the ear. Really, this round should be renamed “Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t”. Either you know the answer and you pussy yourself out of points by waiting, or you completely pooch it right out of the gate and get nothing. Apparently everyone else sucked as much as we did, as we sailed into first after Round 2, emboldening us to smart off on our handouts (which probably played a role in our backslide to second after those handouts).
http://outflux.net/sauce.jpg
Tzatziki is made of “potato”, really? What the fuck? The Right Benevolent Quiz Master Polly in her infinite wisdom saw fit to strike that question, and there was much rejoicing.

Speaking of potato, “Hot Potato” was our Final Round theme. Apparently some dude named George Crumb (not Messrs. Lay, Pringle, or Ruffle) was the first inventor of the potato chip, but unless he’s R. Crumb’s dad or something, I really don’t give a shit. The Pork Chop Express crack team of math whizzes advised a suitably lukewarm bet, though, so our disinterest in 19th century New York resort chefs propelled us to a third win in a row! 3PEAT, baby! This is actually our second 3peat as a team, so I’m pretty sure if we go on to another 3-game winning streak in the future – a 3PEAT 3PEAT – that shitty movie where John Cusack knocks over the White House with a tsunami or whatever will come true.

Infinitely more important than our win is who took home the truly coveted Sellwood Last Place Squirrel?! This squirrel must have beer-flavored nipples, because everyone wants that plastic rodent like it’s the last Cabbage Patch Kid on December 24th, 1984. Traditionally, Last Place Squirrel goes to the team in last place before the Final Round. This week’s points caboose declined the honor because they couldn’t commit to returning the sacred plastic rodent next week. A controversy ensued as to whether the Squirrel should go to the next-to-last-place team, or to the team to come in third in the Final Round (this is why All In is way better than Final Three). The Right Benevolent Quiz Master Polly ruled in favor of last-of-final-three, and Unfortunate-Looking Women (though they’re actually pretty adorable) took the Squirrel!

A final thought to warm the cockles of your Internet-darkened hearts: remember the young family that beat a hasty retreat at the beginning of Pub Quiz? A trip by their abandoned table revealed they had been playing Hangman. Their Hangman word? “Dingleberry”.

Taking home the coveted Squirrel of Sellwood: The Unfortunate looking women

Seriously, find me on Facebook and join the fun.  Lots of pics that don’t make it into the blog, and lots more of me.  And my awesome ability to turn pretty much anything into a dirty joke.   There are 6 more photos from the “Why Sellwood rocks” album that didn’t make the blog cut.  And those my friends, are the awesome ones.

Despite all the whack job spelling words and the extra work I put into grading tonight, we had a blast (B-L-A-S-T : informal; an enjoyable experience or lively party : it could turn out to be a real blast) at SPH. It’s climbing the ranks of Pub Quiz to become a great place for a smack-down on Wednesday night.  Any night you’ve got conversations with  a bar full of people about Diocese’s small dick prey and Rick Steve’s “Back door” to Europe, it’s a win. Even when you have to spell it all out. The winning team came in tonight prepared to win.  Take a look at the costumes they “threw together” for points. They spelled it out for us, spelling bee boobs.  Well done, and well won this week Pork Chop Express.

Also note the Sellwood Last Place Squirrel looking on toward them in great awe.  He got a little erection from staring at their boobs.  Well, to be fair, he’s got a permanent erection, but it looked more erect after the boobs shot. Or maybe it was the stripes?

Bright pink movie star shades to shield her identity,nifty orange 400 balloons, a free pitcher o’ beer, some bubbles (sorry they didn’t blow) and the whistle around her neck, which did blow. That whistle was for blowing every time someone said the number “400″  And yell we did at Sellwood on Wednesday.  Kathryn got a little tipsy, or perhaps it was the shades impairing her hearing, but several times we had to repeat 400 over and over so she would blow.  She blew that whistle all night long in good spirits tonight though, even when we had to remind her to do it, I’ll give her credit for that.  We saw a huge crowd turnout tonight and a nice big fat pot for the winners to take home.  And guess who took it all home tonight? That’s right, not the first place team going into the finals, Pork Chop Express, not the second place team the Asspenny Advantage, but our third place team: The Stumbling Drunks! (winning picture below)

The drunks wagered a smart seven points on the final question and pulled out a win besting the three other teams.  The Stumbling Drunks had matching team t-shirts, and they made one for ME!  I now have three team t-tshirts to show off.  I’ll do a showcase of them on my Facebook page, where you can also catch the page of “The Stumbling Drunks” and other teams that are popping up online.  Also, don’t miss the antics of the Sellwood last place squirrel who went home tonight with Twisted Steel and Sex appeal.  Sadly, the squirrel seems to have some red discharge from his penis now, so I hope he’s not running a fever this week while he’s out having fun around town and beyond with Twisted Steel. Though that sex appeal part his little squirrel penis might just like, even though it is spewing red, it is still quite upright and spewing.  Just like Sellwood Public House every Wednesday night.

And-btw-I set the balloons free, in case you were wondering if I found them TIED to the back of my car, I did. AND I’m on twitter too (for you cool kids)-join the convo with QMPolly. We have all kinds of crazy online fun.

After a few weeks, however, the evolution begins.  Now, instead of being thrilled at simply quizzing each and every week, you’re a little ticked off when you don’t know the theme ahead of time. You don’t feel prepared.  You also begin to realize that you really could use that extra 18 points a week to bump ahead, so you sign up for the e-mail list.  Now you find yourselves dressing up/ drinking/ bringing in movies just like everyone else. You are beginning to evolve.

After a few solid months of quizzing then,suddenly, you find yourself at a disagreement with the Quizmaster. Over something simple.  Maybe he or she pronounced a word wrong. (Some of those words are ridiculous!) You’re yelling out for the QM to spell all the long words. You are quizzing every week.  Perhaps you’re even tracking your scores, and checking and re-checking them during the game.  You’re now interrupting the quiz to say things like ‘HEY did you count that bonus item that Larry brought in? Cause I’m sure we had 3 more points.” Or maybe something like this “HEY you, Quizmaster, that’s not fair! You should have told us it was a PLACE and not a THING that you wanted.” You are now fully engaged, walking upright among your fellow quizzers.

Once you’re upright and fully functioning the final phase of evolution begins.  You begin to correct your dear beloved Quizmaster often. You are tracking scores every week.  You are DAMNED if you’ll let even ONE POINT get by you.  I mean, that could be the difference between first and last place, right?  You’re also dressing in team shirts, or perhaps you have a team page on Facebook. Now, suddenly, during the quiz, when the Quizmaster who is working oh-so-hard to keep all the elements of the quiz running smoothly, you are STANDING UP AND YELLING about a question. In unison. As a team.

Sometimes this evolution happens gradually, a team at a time, but sometimes, it happens all at once with a room full of people. Like tonight at Sellwood.  You all evolved. Drunk.  Drunk evolutionary quizzing at it’s best. I witnessed it first hand when all of you yelled at me about that picture of New York. Granted, the question asked for a city, not for a borough, but, perhaps it didn’t warrant a room full of drunkies yelling about points all at once.

The Sellwood Public House has not let me down as a great venue for a quiz.  And you, people of Sellwood Public House, have not let me down in your evolution.  We’ve built the place up to a nice number of people, enough to keep it interesting.  We’ve got the team t-shirts going on, we’ve forged some real team hate (Sharkey, where ARE you?) we even have a mascot for last place. SQUIRREL! It’s righteous quizzing there on Wednesday night in Sellwood, and I, your humble, mispronouncing, sometimes in a hurry when I’m grading Quizmaster, enjoy all of it and all of you on Wednesday nights. And the tips, oh how I love the tips. And the penis drawings. You, people of Sellwood have evolved on a new path.  A path filled with penis enhanced answer sheets.

Tonight, a quizzing evolution of the finest fodder occurred for one team.  Last weeks last place team returned with the Sellwood Squirrel. They placed it on my desk, freshly anointed with a new team name tattoo, and they registered their team.  Then, after all that crazy, with all the cocktails flowing, they managed to swoop in and take FIRST PLACE this week. That’s right from last place to first place, in a simple little two week spread.  Way to go team “Euro Trash” your spirit, drinking, quizzing and squirrel wrangling pushed you to the top. Your moment of glory pictured below.

One final note on the evolution of quizzing. There are a few more ways to rise up to the top rung of the quizzing evolution ladder. Ask our second place team tonight: Beige Food.  They’ve managed to win tournaments, events and lots of cash over the years. However, that final rung? Which only one team in history has managed? They had a pub quiz rule named after them.  I am not kidding you.  Some of you might remember who they are, and what damage they inflicted upon the lesser-nerds who quizzed under them. Some of you still too fresh to the game to recall.  Nevertheless, remember, the only way to keep evolving as a quizzer is to keep playing.  One day you too can be yelling at the Quizmaster about points and pissed off about the theme.  Seriously.  And knowing most of you like I do? You can’t fucking wait.

More behind the scenes action on my Facebook page. OR follow me on twitter by finding QMPolly. (yes, I do tweet and Fb during the games about you all sometimes, it’s fun, what can I say?) There are team pages popping up all over the internets. Plus: I have LOTS of pictures of quizzes past, present and future for you to tag, take, or comment on.  You never really know what doesn’t make into my blog unless you look. Plus, you’d hate anyone to have some information you might not, now wouldn’t you? They might get a step ahead in the evolution process.

Our Sellwood squirrel made his way back to the Public House in timely fashion (I’m so proud of you guys!) and this week, he came with a new “I love Mom” tattoo and photos of some “fun with dog”.  (Let you imaginations wander)  There is much commotion every week to see who is going to take that squirrel home. When we get to the end of the game, it seems that teams are just as, if not more, excited about taking home the squirrel as they are about the cash.   And its’ good cash!

Our first place team tonight got just over $50 while second place took home over $20.  In the lead from the beginning: team “The lawnmower men and Carmen” with “Leprechauns in space” close at their heels. The lead stayed tight and it looked like “The Smiths” were going to end up with the squirrel again this week after round two. In classic Pub Quiz upset, due entirely to a seriously scary ass kicking by “Zombies” and “The Smiths” in  the college team conference match-up round; Zombies were in the lead going into the final round.  Followed by Leprechuans taking second, and in third place, The Smiths.  Zombies chose the final question and wagered nearly all their points, Leprechauns bet everything, while The Smiths played it safe, wagering just a few points. The Smiths, a team that came back this week with the Sellwood squirrel, last place team from last week, took home the cash pot and first place glory Wednesday night.  Well played Smiths! I’ve got to wonder if maybe that squirrel isn’t good luck? I  mean, what are the chances you take last place one week, then return, and jump again from last again to win the quiz?  Lucky squirrel, I’m telling you.  Let’s see what happens next week, when “Bristol Palin’s immaculate conception” brings that squirrel back.  With photos *ahem*

Here’s a shot of the horrifying collection of Sarah Palin images upon a teammate of Bristol Palin.  Not to worry, I snapped this shot BEFORE the game, she was not cheating, I assure you.

The squirrel photos are coming in, as soon as they make it to my email,  I’ll be sure to post them on my Facebook page, for you, so check there for updates.  I’ll chronicle his adventures as they grow each week. Remember though: fame really does got to a squirrels head.  They get a little nuts. And a little penis if you’re the Sellwood squirrel.

Our winning team tonight, disappointed about losing out on the squirrel adventures was “Buck N Ear” thusly named due to the Mickey Mouse hats they wore: One with buck horns, one with simple ears.  Perfect. My favorite team name of the night however goes to “Keys in the fishbowl”  (everyones getting laid tonight).  And, yes, I did have to put that in parentheses for them, as you can actually hear parentheses when I read it out loud.  And lastly tonight our faithful team The Porkchop express were doing some pracitcing for their bout with the squirrel (you know it’s coming eventually) by wrangling some REAL party animals at home. Check it out: And click THIS link to see the rest of the party animals at home. OR visit my FB page for the rest of the pictures.  Everything from wasted kitties to party snakes. Real live slithery ones. That eat things. Live things. RUN!  And don’t forget to grab your keys out of the fishbowl on the way home.