I’m still a relative newbie to this whole Quizmastering thing, but at the risk of alienating my peers, I’m going to let you in on a secret: If it seems like we have the answers to everything, it’s because we do. They’re usually printed out on an 8.5 x 11 sheet, and not necessarily in our heads. Hey, if we were smarter, we’d be winning quizzes, not hosting them.

Of course I don’t need to tell that to any of the 128 people in attendance at last night’s Quiz Against the Quizmasters at CC Slaughters. Try as they did, the team of quasi-professional smartypants couldn’t break out of the middle of the pack, coming in eleventh out of 23 teams.

Keeping the integrity of the quiz intact, John Doyle put on a raucous hosting performance in place of all the competing quizmasters. A few backstage notes about John’s efforts: 1. He may or may not have been offered half of the pot if he shared the answers in advance with the Quizmasters, to which he may or may not have said, “I cannot be bought!” 2. He handcuffed a briefcase containing the questions to himself and, no joke, momentarily lost the key. 3. He scrutinized the questions so much in advance of the quiz that he will be able to claim a trip to New York (and New Jersey) on his taxes next year.

Yet in the end, it was point-leader Beige Food going the distance in the Challenge Round by not only wagering the most points, but also knowing the correct answer, which vaulted them over (in the order of their final scores) Lordz of Laddz, Box Populi, the Rural Jurors, and TX.

Five other teams walked out with bragging rights, having bested the Quizmasters in their own game:

6. You Don’t Like the Lighthouse, You Suck!
7. Clarification, Please
8. Master Debaters
9. Not So Little Nemo
10. Army of Skanks

To everyone else — you competed well, you made the night a blast, and you sweetened the pot oh so well. Start studying today for the next showdown, because this is definitely a repeat event. Next time, the Quizmasters tell me, they’re out for blood.