Tired. Depressed. Fearful. Anxious. But the Maiden once again cheers me up this week with their incredibly nice staff and pub quizzers. Would have liked to have seen a few more folks celebrate Halloween in costume with ol’ Pub Quiz of Oregon, but hey, the place has always had a mellow vibe, and sometimes it’s hard to get your mellow on in costume. Unless you’re dressed as a can of Mellow Yellow. Then you literally have “mellow” on. You.

Anyway, Maiden co-owner Amanda did a marvelous decking the place out for Halloween, trussing it up with spooky cobwebs and orange lighting without sacrificing a spec of the sexy, romantic ambiance. I could tell because some couple made out in the corner throughout my entire quiz, a paper ghost bobbing aimlessly above their heads. I strongly suggest you check the out their Halloween-themed cabaret party ‘n’ costume contest this Friday; I think it’ll be a fun little time. I’d go myself but I don’t really “do” Halloween. Don’t like thinking about/coming up with costumes; don’t like the pressure most holidays thrust upon you to have “fun.” HAVE FUN OR YOU HAVE SQUANDERED THIS GREAT DAY, shout most holidays, and I try to cover my ears because I’m not good at going out and having fun. The fun has to happen naturally.

Yes, I’m a surly old grouch, I freely admit. That said, I DID dress up for our special Halloween quiz tonight at the Maiden, donning mime-like face paint and my very French striped shirt from J. Crew. Thanks to my friend Jennie from Team Zissou (who finished last tonight, in case anyone was about to go, “hey, he can’t have a friend from a team he’s quizmastering! That’s a conflict of interest!”) for applying said makeup for me. The end result looked like a cross between Freddy Krueger and Charlie Chaplin dressed as Freddy Krueger. Not too shabby!

I know I shouldn’t talk about my own costume first. This blog is supposed to be about YOU, after all, but come on, people. Your attempts at costumes tonight were pretty feeble, even you have to admit. The Redistributors of Wealth bought a pack of $3 fake mustaches and donned them… Who were you guys going as, my dad? Meanwhile, Homo Joe and the Nancies had four costumes throughout the team, including Homo Joe himself, who had put on a scrubs shirt and claimed to be a nurse. Course he only had the nurse’s shirt, and it was actually under his other, real shirt… but sure, I guess it was technically an official piece of nursing uniformalia. Another gentleman had a Hawaiian shirt on and a lei and was a “Hawaiian Tourist.” A little better, though I swear I came up with the same costume in third grade, only I added giant novelty sunglasses and a Polaroid camera swinging from my neck.

Two of the Nancies did pretty well, however. One gal went as Andy Warhol, replete with bad hair, and another went as “Miss Cauldron” (I think I’m remembering that correctly), which I guess is some sort of Witch beauty pageant. Their strong costuming efforts brought them good karma from the pagan Halloween gods and they took first place tonight, with the mustache-wearing Redistributors a distant second. Good job all around, and of course, you all know I’m kidding you about the costumes. I most likely wouldn’t have even dressed up at all… though I sure did enjoy wearing makeup tonight… sure did enjoy it a lot… mmmmmm….

1.) The Redistributors of Wealth go as themselves wearing fake mustaches.

2.) Homo Joe and the Nancies from right to left = Hawaiian Tourist, Andy Warhol, Miss Cauldron USA, and… a Nurse.

3.) Shot from rehearsals for my next performance art piece, “Life is Like a Box of Mimes.”