Hoog. Wow. Okay, so tonight was a little nuts, to put it mildly. 105 people showed up for some hot Pub Quiz action, choosing to answer questions for money instead of watching a World Series nobody in their right mind in the Northwest gives a flying rat’s ass about (flying rat’s asses, though… now THAT would be a sight to see! If they had a pre-show thingy with flying rat’s asses, even I might even be compelled to watch the Tampa Rays play the Philadelphia Billies or whatever their name is. As it stands, though, I don’t care. When do the Blazers start playing real games?)

But anyway I digress, because tonight, with our 105-person crowd, things got a little nutty, and I’m afraid of reliving it. But oh such is my job, so here goes…

Actually, things were pretty smooth, until round 2, when we whipped out the good ol’ Who Am I round. Good God. If you’re reading this I’m gonna assume you’re a regular and know what this round is all about. I give a clue, people run answers up, vying for 15 points. If they don’t know it they may choose to wait for the 10-point clue, wherein a sea of people run up with answers again. Then, just to make sure, there’s the good ol’ five-point clue, which generally lets everyone take stab at it. Simply put, Three different clues on every question results in a lot of scraps of paper for me and wonderful Executive Assistant Renee to sift through.

We had an 8-question round 2 tonight. Let’s do some simple math: 8 questions. 23 teams tonight. 23 times 8 = 184 scraps of paper brought to the table (what’s more, Who Am I is usually a 10-question round!). Perhaps needless to say, despite Renee’s fierce organizational skills and me taking a little extra time to make sure every scrap and answer got sorted, somehow a few scraps slipped through the proverbial cracks. We made the mistake of collecting all the scraps THEN at the end of the round, sorting everyone’s answers and adding it all up at once. Keep in mind, some of the scraps were worth 15 points, some 10, and some a measly 5. Am I confusing you yet? Well, try being there in the moment, in a cavernous bar full of smoke and drunkenness, with people breathing down your neck as the minutes kept ticking on by…

Actually, people were mostly very nice and I do apologize for keeping us all 45 minutes past our usual time. I swear, if you’re reading this blog for the first time, that’s just not how it usually goes. We run a smooth operation and things generally get out at nine on the money. Tonight was a glitch and the good news is, we got it all figured out for next time and it will never ever EVER happen again (until I die and somebody replaces me and has to figure it out all over again.)

Anyway, in the end I don’t think the top five teams were too unhappy, considering they were playing for a $315 pot (ga-zoinga!), especially the top three teams, Ally McBeige Food, Urban Achievers and the Silver Snakes, who fought through our long delays and a thrilling roller coaster ride of ups and downs (Urban Achievers were right in the middle of the pack, way back, until the very last second!) to earn victory. Third placers the Silver Snakes took home a prize that is the first place pot on many nights. Congrats to all of you. And congrats to team Hump Our Faces to having a great name and knowing it and chanting it every chance you could. Love ya.

One more funny observation and then I’ll go to bed. As we ran late, reps from teams were approaching the table and saying stuff like, “well I gotta go soon, and was wondering, are we in the top five?” and also, “could we just bypass answer reading and get to the final results because people are getting kind of impatient.” Well y’all, you paid your money, you’re welcome to complain, and I entertain all (well, most) complaints. But really, just think about it for a minute. do you think we like being there late any more than you do? You think I like tearing down all my PA shit at 10 at night? You think Executive Assistant Renee and I are sitting up there with all the results just snickering to ourselves and whispering “oh my god, look at how impatient they’re all getting. This is so hilarious. Look at that guy! he just got all red from his own fury. Oh, this is just great. They’re gonna have to go to bed SO late. Ha!”? When you really stop and think about it, do you REALLY think that’s what is going on up there at Pub Quiz Station 102-ZA-5? I’m just going to ask the question. I’m not going to answer it. Because I want you to think this time, which would be a change from what happened earlier tonight, when you didn’t think. Those who were so sweet and nice and didn’t harass us in the middle of a terrible grading frenzy ( which was the majority of you), you used your brains, and I love you for it. those who did not think, I still love you, I just ask that you do so next time. Your brains are good for more than just storing useless bits of trivia that earn you money at this wonderful bar game we call Pub Quiz. Promise.

And I’m out. JWS