unless your name is John Hancock or, unless you want to be remembered for THAT (size) in which case, be sure you flaunt that big ass signature ALL OVER those historic documents, cause you will be sure to go down in history as the “A-hole that signed the dec biggest”. Well his name was HAN-COCK what do you expect? Taking the Freudian approach to this situation, we might assume that Johnny boy was overcompensating for something missing in his life. Perhaps an attachment to his mother, perhaps his own *ahem* inadequacies? Of course, one can also possibly deduce that ol’ John Hancock was dumb jock on the team of dec signers who was downing a beer and thinking that “OMG-Won’t this be funny hundreds of years from now?” Of course when you look at the historic prespectives, which are much less fun, you find that it’s all legend about why JH singed bigger than the other siggies. but in reality, it was just that ol JH signed EVERYTHING with a bold signature. What would encourage a man to have such a large signature? WELL–You know what they say “Big signature–BIG BOOTS” So there you have it, JH may or may not have been compensating for something, we’ll never know. It seems there were no scandalous tell all books about the men that signed the Declaration of Independance. There should have been. And some paparazzi pictures too boot damn it. Where are all the good sex videos?

Size doesn’t matter either for team “Little Nemo” as they had a rival team that signed up right after them call themselves “The Biggest fucking Nemo you’ve ever seen” and indeed, these two teams were back to back in points most of the night. Biggest Fucking Nemo TYING at the end of the game for third place with Little Nemo. You can’t make that shit up folks, it was a pub quiz debauchery of EPIC proportions. Well played by The Biggest Fucking Nemo You’ve ever Seen right up until that very last round. The finals. They blew it! They were SO CLOSE to tying it up, or possibly even taking first place, and then *Sham-wow kapow* they bet NOTHING–I mean a big fat ZERO and thus, Little Nemo stood before the crowd as they gathered their second place earnings and announced “You don’t mess with Litlte Nemo” *PEW PEW* then he shot lasers out of his eyes and killed those fuckers RIGHT THERE. So we lit some sparklers around them as a makeshift funeral pyre then took all their money and credit cards and left the building after we stopped downstairs for a fresh beer and pastry. And YES– The Siren’s of Titan won the game, there were only 6 points seperating first from fifth place last night..so it was VITALLY IMPORTANT to wager well. Some teams did wear their big boy pants to the wager table it seems. Others? Perhaps we should take a look at their signatures?

What, you missed it? Well stick around next time after we announce the final five and see what happens, it gets intense sometimes. I hope Little Nemo left a big enough tip to cover cleaning up the WHOOP ASS that they left behind on the table of Biggest Fucking Nemo You’ve Ever Seen.

Till next time- POLLY

See JH in action here he’s sneery when he declares: ” Watch me sign this you small signature little fools, I dareth thee to sign as big as thine own” They spoke like Shakespeare then, right?